Puppy Love

onetrueillusion @ 2007-03-07T06:22:00

2007-03-07T13:24:53Z

So...I am dead. I have an OChem test this morning...at 7:30, oh joy, and I haven't gotten a second of sleep.

I need to take a stress management class or something.

But I am going to do okay! I have to. I think I might be more awake for it than I would have been had I gone to bed, since it is early in the morning. Too bad I can't go home and crash afterwards. No, I have to write up four immunology labs and study for an immunology lab exam, and also do my physics homework.

Oh, joy.

I do not, on any level, recommend being a science major!

Getting Better and My Birthday!

2006-12-30T23:21:49Z

I never post in here, Jalena says. Which is true. I just never know what to say. I guess I do have a few things I could write about--I am just so tired of getting on and wanting to say "I am all better" but never really am. However, I feel amazing right now. I think that I might be actually getting better now. Wouldn't it be amazing if I actually did? Four months after the beginning, to be free of any intoxicating and debilitating virus and just walk through life like everyone else? To be able to wake up every morning, knowing the next time I would be in bed would be at--oh--a normal bedtime, at night? That would be amazing! I have been praying and praying that I would get better. I think the time has come. Please, please, please.

Other than that, I turned freaking 21!!! WHOOHOO! And yes, I had fun. I was sick that day, but I made sure that I was in bed most of the day so that I would be nice and perky for the evening's activities. So I had people over for pizza, and then we went to Downtown Denver and to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert, and then bar-hopping. It was sooooo much fun. Jalena and Nikki came down for cheesecake then left, and Adam, Amy, Eric, Annie, Lisa, and Adam's brother Eric and his friends were out for the whole night. It was sooooo much fun! The fun of being 21 isn't just drinking--it's being out. WhoohoO! I loved it! All the music, and the people, and the drink-tasting...it was delightful. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And Adam and his brother are the two nicest guys ever. They split buying my friends and me drinks the whole night. Us lucky girls didn't have to pay for a dang thing. It was great. I will remember that night forever and ever and ever and ever!!!

Fun Quiz Thingie

2006-11-10T01:15:15Z

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty highly.
You're completely devoted to your friends and family.
Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them.
Just make sure they're equally loyal to you!

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You value generosity highly.
So much so that you often put your own needs last.
There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart...
But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy.

Humility:

You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

I Should Be Sleeping...But I Thought I'd Take a 30 Sec Quiz Instead...

2006-10-26T19:18:56Z

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Heart Palpitations...WTF?!

2006-10-07T08:21:10Z

So...um...these last few days have been the scariest fucking days of my life. That's all I have to say. You couldn't pay me to ingest one freaking molecule of Adderall ever again, and...well. I'm just very glad everything was okay. Because I was seriously afraid for my life.

Thank God everything is okay.

THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!

2006-08-27T19:20:14Z

Last night was pretty much the best night of my life. I would never have imagined that I would be happy to have had my chapter closed, but last night would never have happened if we were still open.

I moved into my apartment a little over a week ago, in with three other lovely ladies, whom I will treasure as true friends for the rest of eternity. Their names are Amy, Abigail, and Heather. We also have many amazing sisters that come over and visit a lot. One of them, Robin, was over and we decided that we wanted to have a Pina Colada night. And thus Saturday night was approaching, and I called up many of my fantastic buddies and invited them to come and participate in the evening.

What we'd initially had in mind was a night of Pina Coladas and chick flicks--pretty laid back, but so much fun. Well, once everyone was over and we were watching a chick flick TV show on DVD (Freaks and Geeks?), I realized I really didn't feel like watching anything on a screen. So when I realized that we didn't have nearly enough ice made to make delicious Pina Coladas and Daiquiris, I didn't hesitate to seize the opportunity to make a temporary escape and get some ice. I asked if anyone wanted to come with me, and two girls did--Erin and Jessica.

So we hopped in my car and started heading over to King Soopers, when Erin mentioned that she'd been on a run that day, and while she was running, had come up with the crazy idea of all of us dressing up as goofy made-up superheros and making a coffee-table booklet of our "rescues" and "adventures." I told her it was a brilliant idea, and we decided we were going to go to a thrift store and pick up stuff for everyone.

So we turned around and drove to ARC Thrift Store and looked at many hilarious possibilities, and finally went to the checkouts just before they closed. We got a few cell phone calls inquiring as to where the heck we were and what was taking so long, but we told them we'd run into a few complications and would be back in a few minutes.

Then, we picked up ice, and headed back.

I wasn't sure if everyone would be into it. I mean, it was pretty crazy--and not everyone can be expected to be into that kind of thing. When I put on my outfit and modeled it for everyone, I wasn't sure if everyone approved--but before I knew it, everyone was trying on the stuff we had, and taking stuff from our closets and other people's closets, and ultimately putting together the most hilarious superhero outfits ever. While everyone was getting dressed, I made the drinks (with sufficient amounts of ice, of course) and had my own delicious Pina Colada. Then, I put my hair into pigtails, and then applied bold makeup much more liberally than usual.

Then, one more girl came...Susanne. She didn't feel up to par, so she decided to be our official photographer. Yay!

So we went to the front lawn and took a few group pictures in various obnoxious poses.

From there, we decided to walk over to our president's apartment, since she lived in the same apartment complex, and as we went we sang Theta songs, and I'm sure we sounded DRUNK. Funny thing was, none of us were. Most of us had virgin drinks, and the most anyone had alcoholic was two non-virgin drinks. So did we have any real excuse for our behavior? Naw. We were just awesome. I love my sisters!

So we sang our silly songs and showed up at our chapter president's apartment (her name is Shannon.) She turned out to be having a Margarita night at her place, so we got to see even more sisters. Oh yeah! Then, we went to our other sister Kat's apartment, who was also in the same apartment complex. At that point, the sprinklers had started running, so we had to run through the sprinklers to get to her front door. It took some persuading to get certain individuals to go through, LOL. She rooms with a couple guys and also had another guy over--I hope we didn't scare them! We were CRAZY. So we visited with them for a while, then decided to head back to my apartment to take more pictures. As I was going through the sprinklers, though, I definitely tripped, ate it, scraped up my knee, and got stuck giggling right in the middle of the sprinklers. Definitely hilarious. Jessica couldn't stop laughing and felt so bad. She said "It's not funny, I'm sorry!" But really, it was. She's so cute.

Then, this guy in an apartment nearby who was just outside his front door asked us if we were freshmen and why the heck our sorority was making us do this. I'm not quite sure he believed us that none of us were freshmen and that we'd done this entirely on our own prerogative.

While we were walking back, I decided I was hyper enough to start singing in Elmo voice...within seconds, I kid you not, we turned a corner and ended up very nearly face-to-face with the security guard for the apartment complex. He asked us what party we were going to, and for some reason he believed us when we told him the truth. We weren't having a party. We were just sorority sisters taking ridiculous pictures of one-another dressed as superheros. He laughed and let us go.

Then, we went back to my apartment, and Erin's creativity was officially brought to reality. She arranged special poses for each of us for our superhero outfits. Her pose, since she was dressed in spandex and swimming gear, was her pretending to be diving into the toilet. LOL. And mine was with my leg up on the leg of the couch, bearing a "weapon" just like a gun, but it was actually my hair dryer. We had one girl pretend to be meditating in a locus position on this amazingly meditative looking pillow Heather had. I really am tempted to go through all of them because I'm so entertained by it, but that would probably be boring. If it's possible, I will put up the pictures from the evening...I didn't get to take the pictures with my camera, cuz it's broken and getting fixed somewhere and I won't get it back till August 30!

All in all, last night was a blast. I LOVE my friends--they are amazing! I can't imagine how dull life would be without them in contrast to the way it is now. I just want to be like this in college forever!

Okay, Meggy, I stole another one!

2006-08-25T00:27:37Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Had to do this...

2006-08-16T03:43:11Z

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

LOL, Who'd Guess?

2006-08-06T06:44:57Z

Your True Birth Month Is December

Logical
Patriotic
Ambitious
Not egoistic
Loves praise
Loves to joke
Fun to be with
Not pretending
Loves attention
Short tempered
Hates restrictions
Loves to socialize
Loves to be loved
Loyal and generous
Impatient and hasty
Changing personality
Good sense of humor
Honest and trustworthy
Influential in organizations
Takes high pride in oneself
Active in games and interactions

What's Your True Birth Month?

onetrueillusion @ 2006-08-02T17:57:00

2006-08-02T23:59:22Z

So I woke up at 9:10 today. Was supposed to be at work at 9. So I flung out of bed, threw come clothes on, grabbed my stuff and got to work at 9:15. Am I hella good or what?!

Simple Pleasures

2006-06-26T22:22:47Z

10 Simple Pleasures
(Since I was tagged by Sissy.)

1. Listening to your favorite song on repeat.
2. Understanding a concept for the first time.
3. Listening to a man with a hot voice talk.
4. Air conditioning in your car when it's 100 degrees! Whoohoo!
5. Hearing from a friend you haven't talked to in a long time.
6. Coming home to pets that are super happy to see you!
7. Cuddling while watching a movie.
8. Going on a spontaneous outing with the people you love.
9. Getting an A on an assignment.
10. Thinking about sex at church. LOL, I know, I'm so bad!

Can't think of an interesting subject today....

2006-06-17T03:45:39Z

Well, I haven't written in here in forever and a day, and I figure I need to start writing things down so I can...I don't know...have a clearer image as to where I am these days. Sometimes I don't even know anymore. Everything seems like it's a huge whirlpool, even though my life isn't exactly hopping. I guess I've been kind of depressed, but it's getting better. Hopefully it will continue to do so.

I haven't had much of a social life. I hung out with Kim last night, which was definitely fun. I think I need to be a little more proactive, though I have to accept that my social life just isn't going to be what it is at college while I'm down here. I have just grown apart from so many people, and honestly, I wouldn't want it to be any other way. And I don't meet that many people. Maybe I could hang out with a couple people I've met in class...I'm taking classes at the University of Colorado at Denver, and the class is small, so I've kind of made a couple comrades. At least people I say hi to and ride the light rail home with. Maybe we'll form study groups and hang out a bit. Or maybe not. But I should try. Why not? One of the girls in my class is actually a biology major at CSU. She's really cool. Her name is Nahid.

And I have officially inherited my grandma's car, which is a '99 Buick Regal. It's really nice. But I can't help but feel remorse for no longer driving the Purple People Eater. She represents my personality so well: she stands out not because of perfection, but because of originality. And she's cute! And come on, I've wanted a purple car since I could talk and I said "Mommy, I want a purple car when I grow up." So I got a purple car. And now I am getting a tan car! And it's amazing; the transmission actually works, and it has air-conditioning! But I need to do something to it to make it a ME car. It won't ever be the Purple People Eater. But...come on...a Buick? I definitely need to spice things up a bit. Will, one of the two kids I nanny for (he's fourteen...he's really cool...they really just need someone to stay there in case the shit hits the fan and to drive them around, so I get paid to hang out with cool kids) said that he would put flames on it for me. LOL. I am not exactly a flames kind of girl. My mom said I should put flowers on it. Haha, I don't think my dad would be too happy about me doing anything to the paint. But I should think of something. I wonder if they have stuff for that at Car Toys. The toys part sounds rather enticing, I'm not gonna lie. Maybe I could find something cute there.

As for school--wait, why am I talking about school? The mere thought of it makes me want to gag. And who wouldn't? Three and a half hours of physics lecture two days a week, plus three and a half hours of physics lab. Blah. Shoot me now.

And Spammy is supposed to call me when she gets back from work. Hopefully we can do a least a little bit of something fun. Her stupid work, she works so late! I want to play more! :-( Too bad everyone is gone this summer. I am so bored!

Oh! But I started volunteering again at the House of Hope, and it's actually REALLY fun this time around. I think for a couple years, I went through an anti-kids phase. I've always loved kids, but I all of a sudden found myself pretty intolerant with their behavior and childish ways. I am pleased to discover that that phase is over, and I can return to having a blast playing with kids. That's when I do my work the best; my job is to reach out to the kids, be a good role model, and make them feel like they have a connection to me. Kids at homeless shelters don't need someone just helping them; they need someone to be their friend. And I feel like I can do that better now that I love them again instead of getting annoyed with them being kids.

Wow, I am ranting. I need to write in here more. So I don't write mile-long entries. More entries shorter in length should probably be my approach. Let's see if I can't get a little consistency going here for once! Speaking of consistency, my lack thereof has forced me to begin cramming for my physics exam on Monday. So I should go do that until Spammy calls. So, peace out!

Just for fun!

2006-04-24T04:11:25Z

Directions:
Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
No cheating! -

How am I feeling today?
The Bad Touch

Will I get far in life?
One Song Glory

How do my friends see me?
The Internet is for Porn

When will I get Married?
This Diamond Ring

What's my theme song?
Simply Beautiful

What is the story of my life?
Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

What am I like in bed?
All Apologies

How can I get ahead in life?
In Your Wildest Dreams (LMAO)

What is my best feature?
Better Now

How is today going to be?
Rhapsody in Blue

What is in store for this weekend?
Nothing Wrong

What is my life like at the moment?
Faster

What song describes my secrets?
When I’m Gone

What is my current lover like?
Another Day

What song will they play at my funeral?:
Be Our Guest

How does the world see me?
Money

Will I have a happy life?
Suds in the Bucket

What do my friends really think of me?
Helena

Do people secretly lust after me?
Highway to Hell

Will I accomplish my goals in life?
Sex Supreme

Will I find true love?
Place for my Head

How do I treat others?
The Man Who Sold the World

Wow, I'm Bored

2006-03-27T23:33:41Z

1. You can only say YES or NO.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you / comments and asks!

1. Taken a picture naked? No
2. Painted your room? No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? No
4. Drove a car? Yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
6. Have a crush? No
7. Been dumped? No
8. Stole money from friend? No
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No
10. Been in a fist fight? No

11. Snuck out of your house? Yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
13. Been arrested? No
14. Made out with a stranger? Yes
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? No
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

20. Seen someone die? No
21. Been on a plane? Yes
22. Kissed a picture? No
23. Slept in until 3PM? No
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? No
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
26. Made a snow angel? Yes
27. Played dress up? Yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? No
29. Been lonely? Yes

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? No
31. Been to a club? Yes
32. Felt an earthquake? No
33. Touched a snake? Yes
34. Ran a red light? Yes
35. Been suspended from school? No
36. Had detention? Yes
37. Been in a car accident? Yes
38. Hated the way you look? Yes
39. Witnessed a crime? Yes

40. Pole danced? No
41. Been lost? Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes
43. Felt like dying? Yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? Yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

50. Kissed in the rain? No
51. Sing in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? No
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes
54. Glued your hand to something? No
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No
57. Been a cheerleader? No
58. Sat on a roof top? Yes
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? No

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? No
61. Played chicken? No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes
64. Broken a bone? No
65. Been easily amused? Yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? No
68. Cheated on a test? No
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

70. Slept naked? No
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? No
73. Blacked out from drinking? No
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes
76. Made love to anything not human? NO
77. Failed a class? Yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? Maybe...

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? No
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? Yes
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes
84. Thought about running away? Yes
85. Ran away? No
86. Did drugs? No
87. Had detention and not attend it? No
89. Made a parent cry? Yes

90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Yes
92. Dated someone more than once? No
93. Have a dog? Yes
94. Own an instrument? Yes
95. Been in a band? No
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No
97. Broken a cd? Yes
98. Shot a gun? No

Movie Quotes!

2006-03-27T04:10:21Z

So, I'm gonna do the movie thing too. I am writing out 15 movie quotes, and the goal here is to guess what movie all of them were plucked from. So comment and list your guesses! Good luck! Some aren't going to be easy...ahahahahah!

#1 "You are what you love, not what loves you."

#2 "When the world turns it's back on you, you turn your back on the world."

#3 "I shall call it the lake of shining waters."

#4 "Let's go get our asses kicked by love!"

#5 "She offered him a rose in exchange for shelter from the bitter cold."

#6 "There's only one idiot in this town with pajamas like that!"

#7 "I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member."

#8 "Of course it's unfair. We're women. Our choices are never easy."

#9 "Just come a little closer. Let me see that profile. Oh yes! Just look at that profile! She's the spittin' image of you know who? Frankenstein!"

#10 "Turkey! Turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey!!!"

#11 "That's right, you're going alone. And I'm going with you."

#12 "Good thing we didn't panic!"

#13 "Has my son finally followed his feet?"

#14 "Make sure you use a condom. Or, in your case, a Hefty bag."

#15 "This is going to sound really juvenile, but...I dated my wife since I was fifteen and then we got married, and...well...can I hold your hand?"

onetrueillusion @ 2006-02-26T13:50:00

2006-02-26T21:10:21Z

K, trying an LJ cut here. So these are the Friday night pictures!

Uh...I think a guy took those.

And that's Kim on the far right, me in the middle, and Becca on the far left.

Laura!

Kim!

Uh...Kim's boobs

Laura's boobs...for the record, I didn't take these!

Kim and Brian...funny face

a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"></a>
Kristy!

Uh...yeah...no idea who's hairy pecs those are, but they were some guy's at the party...

Kim, Becca, and a girl we met there whose name I can't remember

And...uh...some more boob shots!!!

Kristy's boobs

My boobs

Great, huh? LOL.

So cute!

2006-02-21T23:34:21Z

Kermit the Frog
You scored 56% Organization, 60% abstract, and 71% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are mostly organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted.

Here is why are you Kermit the Frog.

You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Kermit is also reasonably tidy. He'll even dress up for interviews.

You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Kermit spends a lot of his time as a reporter collecting facts, but he is also the author of the dreamy song "The Rainbow Connection." You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course.

You are both extroverts. Kermit gets along with everyone. Sure a few folks annoy him, but that's just because they are annoying. Kermit likes to meet new people when he does his job as a street reporter. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Kermit starred on Sesame Street years before The Muppet Show.

The other possible characters are
Oscar the Grouch
Big Bird
Snuffleupagus
Ernie
Elmo
Cookie Monster
Grover
The Count
Guy Smiley
Bert

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 50% on Organization

You scored higher than 76% on concrete-abstra

You scored higher than 74% on intro-extrovert

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Guilty Pleasures

2006-02-21T23:19:17Z

Tagged by: Jalena

The Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic of "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as stating this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 5 people to be tagged.

1. Old pop music...from when I was a middleschooler. I liked it then...and still like it now! But it has to be old...I hate the new stuff...it sucks!
2. Rap music. When I'm in the right mood. Just for the beat...and the freedom of sexual expression. And I mean NOT in the really raunchy ones...like Eminem. Ick. Like...Get Low. Love that song!
3. Cookies. Girl scout cookies, chocolate chip cookies, whatever. I ate so many this weekend...sinful. (I second this one!)
4. Facebook. I'm addicted, just like every other college kid.
5. Sexy underwear. Not that anyone sees it, but...it just makes me feel more bold and sexy. It's so much fun to go shopping for lacey, scandalous thongs! LOL. Love it.

Now...who to tag?

I have very few lj friends...but quality is better than quantity! So Khadija and Jared...you are tagged! (I doubt Jared will do it since you're not that into updating, but you are tagged if you're up for it!)

onetrueillusion @ 2006-02-04T13:14:00

2006-02-04T20:47:13Z

So...Mom thinks I have ADD. And she filled out a questionaire about my tendences, so I'm probably gonna have to test for it.

Yay.

onetrueillusion @ 2006-01-24T14:45:00

2006-01-24T21:46:24Z

So, I'm up a vote in front of my chapter about academic termination. They don't get to know my name or whether or not I tried. They just hear that I got a 1.64 last semester, and have to vote based on that.

I guess that means I'm out.

My Room!

2006-01-19T04:58:22Z

So...Jalena gave me pretty stuff for my room for Christmas, so I am posting pictures of my new and gorgeous room so she can see how sparkly and pretty it is now! And so I can show the difference between sorority house and dorm...a rather significant difference.

First, let's look at my dorm room from last year...

Now, let's look at my room this year (and the entire room is NOT in the picture).

I do share this room with two other girls, but it's still SOOOOOOOO much bigger and nicer and I have so much more room to move around and hang up things and basically exist.

And now for the pretty stuff Jalena gave me for Christmas...

And my little area as a whole...

Exciting, I know. I didn't include the area where I have my bulletin board, my bookshelf, and my dresser. I didn't think those were the most interesting parts of the room.

So there's my room tour! Thank you for making it pretty, Jalena!

Oh! And the lights will go up when I find a way to put them up...at the moment, I don't have the means to do so, but I'm sure I'll find a way soon! Thanks again!

onetrueillusion @ 2006-01-10T23:25:00

2006-01-11T06:43:01Z

I am so fucking frustrated now, it's not even funny. How hard is it for me to write out how I feel? Pretty fucking hard. It hurts, and it's emotionally draining. And my mouse hit the keyboard and clicked the back button and erased my entire freaking entry. So I could really use to meat grinder right now to toss my mouse and keyboard in for messing up my entry.

Well, here I go. I haven't written in here since November 26th, which is pretty sad, I know. What do I have to write about? What have I done that I could be happy about? You know, there are a few things. But what's overwhelming to me right now is how devastated and worthless I feel.

I've decided that I feel intellectually idle, and that I am craving intellectual stimulation once again. I'm sure I will look upon this feeling with resentment a few weeks down the road as I drown in the contents I've slapped upon my plate once again.

I have had time to sit down and think through my goals. I usually set them out before each semester, have a picture painted in my mind of just how I want it to be. I want to find myself. I want to focus and put my energy into something. I want to pour my soul and passion (of which I have tons) into something, to put myself out there, try, make mistakes, and learn. I want to feel I am worth as much as a person.

Dear God, can I please make my goals for once? Please. I haven't ever before. I am so sick of it! I know it must be my fault somehow, but I don't know how! Can there please be some way for me to find out? For the switch to just switch on and for me to do well for once? Please. If there's anything I will admit about myself, it's that I'm sporadic, unfocused, but kind-hearted and with the best intentions. Please. I just want to be equipped to do what I believe in. And I know it may be selfish, but I want to know what it's like to love myself! Because I don't!

I have a little voice inside of me, telling me everything will be okay. Heck, so many that have succeeded report times of one failure after another, but they stuck through it and proved ingenuity that brought success and accomplishment that could outweigh any string of failures. I wish that I could feel like that could be me, but I don't. What these people had was at least one moment where they succeeded. They did well in school at one point, had a professor that believed in them, anything. And even if it was a tiny one, they were left with a shred of light to hold on to and nurture to a fire. I wish I had such a shred. I have never been great at anything--always mediocre. I suppose I was the best babysitter at one point, but that's hardly a shred of light when it comes to self-sufficiency and intelligence. Yay. I can play with kids! I am going to be an amazingly successul person! Yeah. Freaking. Right.

So here I am, pathetic me, beseeching God for my little shred of light. Is it possible for me to do what I want? Or am I going to always be the one that drowns in the undertow of the world and goes unnoticed, without making a change positive or negative in the world? Am I always going to be in the background of existence, just that one girl who could play with little kids and make babies smile? Is that me? Am I as close to nothing as it gets? Or do I have a shred of light waiting to reveal itself to me somewhere, out there, in the untangible abyss I have yet to stumble upon? I don't know. I don't freaking know. All I know is that the description above fits me flawlessly as of today. And that I don't want it to--that's why I keep trying. That's why I'm still trying.

Am I just looking in the wrong place? If I am, can the right direction please, please reveal itself to me?! I am so freaking lost! I just don't know what to do anymore! I don't want to fade into the background. I don't want to be like this forever! I don't want to leave this world without having made an imprint with what I believe compassion and love can do!

Please don't let me fail again.

Ahh...yay for destressalization!

2005-11-27T03:35:14Z

It's amazing what a few days off will do when it comes to alleviating stress and clearing one's mind. I feel so much better than I have in a really, really long time. And ya know what? I think I'm starting to figure out more of what I want and how I'm going to get it. Now it's just a matter of doing it without breaking under the stress that comes from high-set goals.

I realize I am terrible at keeping this lj thing up. Should I just cancel it? I do write in my blogger blog, though not nearly as often as I should. But I honestly have an attachment to my blogger blog--I've kept it going for four years! And I have a bunch of it printed out from my sophomore year in highschool, and it is so much fun to go back and read it. Even if some of the ranting and raving makes me laugh in hindsight, it's always fun to go back and remember who I was when I was sixteen. And it's interesting to see how my writing style and topic choices have evolved from then until now. Honestly, I think I've gotten a lot more paranoid. I used to write about the way I felt, even if it did put in a few negative words out against someone else. Now, I am so afraid someone will get mad about what I wrote, so I keep everything neutral. Which is dumb. Cuz it's not like anyone reads it anyway.

Except for Sid! Cuz Sid actually read my blog before I met him in Literateen. Two years before Literateen! Which is such a coincidence, it boggles my mind.

Anyway, I need to go do some more studying for chemistry so I can finish that up and start on some physics. Two tests this week, ack! And then a week of no tests, and then finals. Then I'm done with these crappy classes. I'm so excited! Have I written our my next semester schedule yet? LOL, probably not. I doubt I've even written an entry since I determined what my schedule was going to be. So, here it is...

MONDAYS

9-9:50 AM General Microbiology
10-10:50 AM Biology of Organisms
1:10-2 PM The Study of Literature

TUESDAYS

10-10:50 AM Microcomputing
1:10-2:50 PM General Microbiology Lab
3:10-4 Drugs and the Human Body

WEDNESDAYS

9-9:50 AM General Microbiology
10-10:50 AM Biology of Organisms
1:10-2 PM The Study of Literature
2:10-5 Biology of Organisms Lab

THURSDAYS

10-10:50 Microcomputing
1:10-2:50 General Microbiology Lab
3:10-4 Drugs and the Human Body

FRIDAYS

9-9:50 AM General Microbiology
10-10:50 AM Biology of Organisms
1:10-2 The Study of Literature

onetrueillusion @ 2005-11-07T14:55:00

2005-11-08T04:08:23Z

FUTURE COLLEGE STUDENTS...LISTEN UP! This is my advice to all future college students, and if I could go back in time, I would definitely abide by these little tidbits.

#1 Go to a small college or university. Okay, I know I said CSU is great. I take it back, and I side with you, Jalena. Because class size matters. It's the difference between professors lecturing to you or teaching you. Certain majors will land you in small classes even at large universities, but look into it before you decide to go to one!

#2 Don't take all your core classes in the very beginning if you have a hard major. What happens if you do that is that as you get into your later years, your classes will ALL be hard, whereas if you save some core credits 'til later, you can pad those rough classes with a little bit of intro English or History or whatever core you are taking.

#3 DO NOT...I repeat DO NOT take four math-based courses at once. I did that, and I'm dying.

#4 It may sound like a good idea to arrange all your classes back to back so you can shorten your day, but really--don't do this. You need a break in between classes! I have it set up so that I have four classes in a row, from 9 to 1, and I know highschoolers will be laughing at how pathetic it is that this kills me, but really--college is so much different that highschool. You cram SO MUCH material into a tiny amount of time, and it never slows down. If you get behind, you probably will be for the entire semester, unless you can pull some miracle out of your ass. So yeah, why not four classes in a row? Because you can't cram that much information into your head straight-through without a break, and without a bit of time in between also for the info to sink in.

#5 If your roommate does sexual stuff with her boyfriend and you're in the room, confront her!

#6 Be assertive but cooperative. Anything outside of in between will result in you either being a bitch, or you getting walked on. Neither one turns out well. If you want stories about getting walked on...well...I have plenty of those!

#7 Get involved! Some people expect college to just be some magical transition into a perfect life, and it really can be that, but you have to put yourself out there. Do all the fun things you've always wanted to do! If there isn't a club to fit your interests, start one! A lot of people end up not liking the people in their dorm and it ends there. They don't do anything but homework and remain hermits for their entire college career. DO NOT DO THAT! It isn't worth it! There are so many opportunities for fun, you probably couldn't discover every single one of them in your four years if you tried!

#8 Don't close your mind to academic possibilities because you think you are sure about what you want to do. Really, you aren't. None of us are until we try it, and it can be frustrating if we thought we were positive about what we wanted to do, try it, and then don't like it. And then we have a bunch of credits that contribute to a major we don't want anymore! Don't suffer through a major if you don't like it. Because, odds are, if you don't like studying it, you won't enjoy a job in that field. And though you may have to take more credits to graduate on time in another major, it will be yucky for a couple semesters, whereas being stuck with a job you don't like will be extra yucky for years or even your entire life.

#9 If anyone tells you that your GPA doesn't matter, they are wrong. I was actually told that as long as I passed all my classes, my GPA wouldn't matter. NOT TRUE! You can't study abroad unless you have a certain GPA, you have to submit your GPA when applying for internships, and though I haven't done this yet, I'm sure certain jobs require a transcript and GPA when applying. Not to mention, graduate programs do put a strong consideration on your GPA when deciding whether or not to offer you admission into their program. Yes, your GPA matters. So don't do what I did my freshman year and slack!

#10 If you are looking to study science, brace yourself. They told me it was hard, but once I actually did it, I had a whole knew definition of hard enter my brain, and I don't think I'm ever going back. Also watch out for engineering. If you major in any of these, prepare to stretch your brain in a thousand million different ways, to work your butt off, and, from time to time, to fail a test you studied millions of years for. If you really want to do it, do, but understand there will be episodes where you have to pick up the remains of your obliterated self-confidence and try again. It is feasible, or else we wouldn't have any chemists, doctors, dentists, microbiologists, or any of those people. And...if you think you're special and super-smart, don't write it off and expect it not to happen. My friend Rachel is an engineering major, and, I might add, the valedictorian of her graduating class from highschool. And she is experiencing the horror of failing a class she is working her ass off in. I'm not trying to scare anyone from trying the science or engineering major...dude, I'm trying it! But just make sure you REALLY love it, and understand that you are biting off a lot. And if you are willing to take the humiliation and do all the grueling work, all power to you--I believe in you--you can do it!

#11 If you don't get something from a class, the day of that class, review it going through your notes, your books, or whatever resources are immediately available to you. If you don't understand it then, seek help from either your professor, a tutor, a friend, a classmate, whoever. But take care of it right away. Especially if your class is one that builds one concept upon another. I've been known to say "Oh, it'll make sense as time goes by," but then what comes next builds upon what I missed, so the longer I wait, the more lost I get, and then come test week, it is impossible to learn it all. Really. Don't wait. Do it RIGHT AWAY.

#12 HAVE FUN! It really can be fun...I HATED my freshman year, then found my place this year, and am having the time of my life! It's great! Even if it doesn't start out well, don't give up! If you land yourself in your niche on your campus, you will LOVE it. I promise.

onetrueillusion @ 2005-08-09T18:35:00

2005-08-10T00:35:55Z

JNPenali (6:26:52 PM): WANT A BOY
JNPenali (6:26:53 PM): Haha
aratagos (6:28:15 PM): haha
aratagos (6:28:22 PM): should have gone clubbing!
JNPenali (6:31:14 PM): I didn't want one then
JNPenali (6:31:16 PM): I just wat one now
JNPenali (6:31:17 PM): *want
JNPenali (6:31:20 PM): I don't actually
JNPenali (6:31:26 PM): I want good grades!
JNPenali (6:31:28 PM): So no boys
JNPenali (6:31:33 PM): Gotta resist the urge
aratagos (6:31:37 PM): just let things happen jess
aratagos (6:31:41 PM): dont plan it out
JNPenali (6:31:52 PM): I won't plan when to GET a guy
JNPenali (6:31:57 PM): But I can plan when NOT to get one
JNPenali (6:32:40 PM): Shit, does getting your teeth drilled such THAT bad/
JNPenali (6:32:41 PM): *?
aratagos (6:32:45 PM): who says they are bad
JNPenali (6:32:50 PM): Jalena
aratagos (6:32:59 PM): no who says boys are bad
aratagos (6:33:05 PM): yeah getting fillings arent that pleasant
aratagos (6:33:08 PM): depends on the size of them
JNPenali (6:33:09 PM): Oh boys
JNPenali (6:33:11 PM): Mine is small
JNPenali (6:33:12 PM): Oh well
JNPenali (6:33:13 PM): Anyway
JNPenali (6:33:26 PM): I know for a fact that when I have a boy, I study less
aratagos (6:33:53 PM): dude read your last sequence of ims
JNPenali (6:33:54 PM): Of course, that was only one boy
aratagos (6:34:01 PM): out of context they is nasty
JNPenali (6:34:06 PM): HAHA
aratagos (6:34:15 PM): yup